Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
