i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
