Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's shark week go big or go home
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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