VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
