I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize