I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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