..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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