if i can run in heels then i can drive
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
