I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
