I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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