i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
