I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize