Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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