ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize