so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
