She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
