I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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