We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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