im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she looked like the before picture.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
