Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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