My Higher Power is John Stamos
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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