Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
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