You made me cry and you don't even care
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
