ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
