just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
