3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
