The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
