I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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