apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
