If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
