Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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