The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
