I wish life had little blips of pornography
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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