I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
