I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
