I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
