BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
