Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
