I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I got inside last night via doggy door
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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