did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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