This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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