Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I smell stomach acid.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
