wanna go halves on a baby?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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