Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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