people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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