AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
