Dual....:-)
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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