She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
