The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
