I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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