i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
