you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
