How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
