The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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