ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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