____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
