You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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