I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I wish there were birth control emojis
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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