You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
