So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
