no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
