i permit you to call me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
