I can't breathe out the right side of my face
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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