i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
