I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
