Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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