Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
