She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
